Post by fathershark on Feb 17, 2003 10:15:15 GMT 10
from www.whatever-dude.com
I find this hysterically funny.
"I went right along, not fixing up any particular
plan, but just trusting to Providence to put the
right words in my mouth when the time come:
for I'd noticed that Providence always did put
the right words in my mouth, if I left it alone."
- Huckleberry Finn, Mark Twain
I spent most of my formative years on an uncomfortable church pew, listening to my fat aunts and skinny uncles sing about how I should trust in God, and how he was an AWESOME God, and how when it thunders it's really just God "bowling," or "moving furniture," or "farting." In retrospect, they probably never sang any songs about God's awesome farts, but even flatulent Jehovah knows it would've been more entertaining than the church hymns or three-hour sermons that could've been summed up with "you should be nice to people." After all, they don't call those uncomfortable benches "pews" for nothing.
I could always manage to meander through the mind-numbing dogma and awkward furniture of church, but I could never stand the music. I'll never confess to understanding it, but there's something about "Jesus" and "music" that go together like "Jesus" and "angry Romans." The only difference is that if our eardrums burst and we die a horrible death from having to listen to Steven Curtis Chapman, we don't have the pleasure of being resurrected by our Omni-capable parents. We've just got to lay there on the ground, having seizures and bleeding like a fountain from our ears, while random lines from the "Songs 4 Worship" commercial stay with us for an eternity. Remember when the commercials were for the "Songs 4 Life" collection? What, was Hollywood Hulk Hogan singing them? Awkward wrestling reference aside, I've said it before and I'll say it again: The only Christian music I like is the music that plays when he comes to the ring without Edge.
So I've noticed a big trend in popular music lately; musicians who start off wanting to be Christian artists, but, when the realize they can't make any money or get any credibility doing that (and since most of their songs aren't even 4 15-minutes, much less 4 Life), become "mainstream" artists. You can just look at some people and tell that they want to break out the acoustic guitar and break into a chorus of "Michael Row Your Boat Ashore," but are being paid large amounts of money not to. Personally, I would pay them large amounts of money to never HAVE to look at them in the face, but thanks to my generation struggling to find a happy medium between pussy teen pop and what I like to call "Ugly Guy Rock" (Stain'd, Drowning Pool, ten million others), we're gonna have to.
We're not rocking for Jesus, we're just tools of the establishment! Wait, no we're not, we're just a bunch of tools.
The biggest of these acts is "Creed," who only avoid "Ugly Guy Rock" because...well, I don't know why, they're all pretty ugly. The mainstream world (i.e., people who watch and enjoy Jim Carrey movies) sees them as "too nice" to be metal, and the metal world (i.e., people who watch and enjoy Ozzy) see them as "too lame" to even walk upright. It's an understandable feeling though, because lead singer Scott Stapp has built an evil time machine, so that when his video has finished playing he can go back in time and play it again. In fact, statistical reports tell us that at any moment anywhere in the world, VH1, or it's new sister channel, MTV, are displaying the Cro-Magnon front man and his Shih Tzu haircut. Not since Darlene's boyfriend David on "Roseanne" have I seen a grown man display a dog's haircut in such a shameless manor. I bet if you tossed a milkbone on stage during a Creed concert his feral instincts would kick in and he'd start urinating all over the stage.
So is Creed a Christian rock band?
"This is a very personal question because the whole foundation of being a Christian is a personal relationship. I can say that all the members believe in God, but we each differ on our methods to reach Him. We are all still learning and growing, and God can only answer this question, because who are we to say that being a Christian is the only way to heaven. I know this might be hard to understand for all the Christians who follow the band--and trust me, I know where you are coming from--but let us continue to seek, and if that is the way, then we will find, if we continue to knock, the doors will be opened." -- Scott Stapp
I find this hysterically funny.
"I went right along, not fixing up any particular
plan, but just trusting to Providence to put the
right words in my mouth when the time come:
for I'd noticed that Providence always did put
the right words in my mouth, if I left it alone."
- Huckleberry Finn, Mark Twain
I spent most of my formative years on an uncomfortable church pew, listening to my fat aunts and skinny uncles sing about how I should trust in God, and how he was an AWESOME God, and how when it thunders it's really just God "bowling," or "moving furniture," or "farting." In retrospect, they probably never sang any songs about God's awesome farts, but even flatulent Jehovah knows it would've been more entertaining than the church hymns or three-hour sermons that could've been summed up with "you should be nice to people." After all, they don't call those uncomfortable benches "pews" for nothing.
I could always manage to meander through the mind-numbing dogma and awkward furniture of church, but I could never stand the music. I'll never confess to understanding it, but there's something about "Jesus" and "music" that go together like "Jesus" and "angry Romans." The only difference is that if our eardrums burst and we die a horrible death from having to listen to Steven Curtis Chapman, we don't have the pleasure of being resurrected by our Omni-capable parents. We've just got to lay there on the ground, having seizures and bleeding like a fountain from our ears, while random lines from the "Songs 4 Worship" commercial stay with us for an eternity. Remember when the commercials were for the "Songs 4 Life" collection? What, was Hollywood Hulk Hogan singing them? Awkward wrestling reference aside, I've said it before and I'll say it again: The only Christian music I like is the music that plays when he comes to the ring without Edge.
So I've noticed a big trend in popular music lately; musicians who start off wanting to be Christian artists, but, when the realize they can't make any money or get any credibility doing that (and since most of their songs aren't even 4 15-minutes, much less 4 Life), become "mainstream" artists. You can just look at some people and tell that they want to break out the acoustic guitar and break into a chorus of "Michael Row Your Boat Ashore," but are being paid large amounts of money not to. Personally, I would pay them large amounts of money to never HAVE to look at them in the face, but thanks to my generation struggling to find a happy medium between pussy teen pop and what I like to call "Ugly Guy Rock" (Stain'd, Drowning Pool, ten million others), we're gonna have to.
We're not rocking for Jesus, we're just tools of the establishment! Wait, no we're not, we're just a bunch of tools.
The biggest of these acts is "Creed," who only avoid "Ugly Guy Rock" because...well, I don't know why, they're all pretty ugly. The mainstream world (i.e., people who watch and enjoy Jim Carrey movies) sees them as "too nice" to be metal, and the metal world (i.e., people who watch and enjoy Ozzy) see them as "too lame" to even walk upright. It's an understandable feeling though, because lead singer Scott Stapp has built an evil time machine, so that when his video has finished playing he can go back in time and play it again. In fact, statistical reports tell us that at any moment anywhere in the world, VH1, or it's new sister channel, MTV, are displaying the Cro-Magnon front man and his Shih Tzu haircut. Not since Darlene's boyfriend David on "Roseanne" have I seen a grown man display a dog's haircut in such a shameless manor. I bet if you tossed a milkbone on stage during a Creed concert his feral instincts would kick in and he'd start urinating all over the stage.
So is Creed a Christian rock band?
"This is a very personal question because the whole foundation of being a Christian is a personal relationship. I can say that all the members believe in God, but we each differ on our methods to reach Him. We are all still learning and growing, and God can only answer this question, because who are we to say that being a Christian is the only way to heaven. I know this might be hard to understand for all the Christians who follow the band--and trust me, I know where you are coming from--but let us continue to seek, and if that is the way, then we will find, if we continue to knock, the doors will be opened." -- Scott Stapp
[/glow]