Tell me your problems...

[tilted]

i had a friend who had never drunk alcohol until she wanted to kill herself and couldnt sleep at night, so she took alcohol and panadol. she ran away from home, ended up in a refuge in redfern and then in hospital severely depressed and has since been in and out of psychiatric ward in the hospital having OD'd on panadol twice in the last month. it has been hell for her and all of us supporting her.

my response: don't punish yourself for something that might be related to the chemicals in your brain. and please, oh please do not resort to alcohol and don't kill yourself - too many people out there care for you

[Tiberius]

I always thought Sleep is Worth the Wait was about the dangers of procrastinating and that it was telling the listener to get some rest so you'll be able to wake up the next day ready to make the use of the time you have on Earth. Anyway, you mentioned an SFK song Am. Here's part of one with a positive outlook that I think fits the sitch - Born Yesterday.

It's just another night, so switch off the light and sleep for awhile. Tomorrow things will be alright if you open your eyes.

[Kristy]

Alcohol isn't always a good thing if your feeling depressed... i know how hard it is to not go back to it, cuz it can make things so much better but it can also make things so much worse... and the effect for the few days afterwards isn't necassirly worth the temporary happiness...

[tilted]

how do you get over low self-esteem?

i was just speaking to my friend after a shitty day and she told me she'd always thought i'd had low self-esteem.. which sounds like such a stupid text book phrase i hate it. but honestly i hate myself so much all the time and i hate the way i interact with people. In my group of friends i'm the 'leader' figure, even known as being quite rational and usually comfortable within myself. But that's almost the image i project, and inside i'm crumbling. I screw my relations up with people so often and i always feel like people are judging me.. everyone, from the shop assisstant to even my parents. I just, i dunno... can never seem to free myself of my conscience. i'm also a very negative/cynical person. i like to think i'm realistic, but i guess it tips towards negative.

only 3 guys have ever wanted to ask me out (that i know of), one of which did, and i said yes and then dumped him within a week because i was too insecure. also i guess i didnt really like him that much. i just remember the first guy who liked me was like "sophie, you're afraid of love..." and i was like.. yeh whatever. but maybe its true. even if i really like someone, i have no idea how i'd actually handle a relationship. i get so hung up on little things, i think i'd make it so awfully complicated.

i just want to know how to kill that little voice in my head

[Kristy]

Thats something ive always thought... that i wouldn't ever be able to in a functional realtionship... but i'm 21 now and although i'm not sure i wanna be in a realtionship right now, i am sure that at the same time i am somehow more ready for one than ever before... as tacky as it sounds you just have to be patient, it takes time but believe me, if i can honestly know that i'm ready for it you will one day find yourself realising that you are too

[Tiberius]

That little voice annoys me. It's a really weird thing. I've always wondered how some people don't seem to be affected by it.

I suppose you learn to control it over time to some extent.

[singingcirclesaway]

Mine wont shut up either. I'm the same as Sophie, I project (or at least try to) this completely false image of myself to the world. And I hate it, because I'm not coping. That said, I made an appointment with a counsellor at uni (hooray for 3 week waiting periods) for a few weeks away. I'm just so up and down lately though, and I can just see I'll be having a reasonable day on the day of the appointment, or my problems are so trivial and she'll be like, "Why are you here?" I feel bad because even though it's my right to make that appointment, it feels like there are so many more deserving kids out there.

[am]

jumbled said:

Mine wont shut up either. I'm the same as Sophie, I project (or at least try to) this completely false image of myself to the world. And I hate it, because I'm not coping. That said, I made an appointment with a counsellor at uni (hooray for 3 week waiting periods) for a few weeks away. I'm just so up and down lately though, and I can just see I'll be having a reasonable day on the day of the appointment, or my problems are so trivial and she'll be like, "Why are you here?" I feel bad because even though it's my right to make that appointment, it feels like there are so many more deserving kids out there.

mm.. that's pretty much me as well... sometimes i feel like everything is crashing down on me and i'm gonna suffocate, other days i feel like i'm ok, and i'm gonna get out alive - maybe even get out with something good, even if it isn't the ideal.

our school counsellor really is crap at her job so i wouldn't go to her anyway even if i did feel like i needed it as much as the people who really do need it.

i went to her once with my old freindship group because a girl i used to be close to was falling apart (later diagnosed as bi-polar i think, except that half her symptoms were reproduced from a book she read - we all thought it was more likely to be an attention thing - still a problem, but not the problem they tried to fix)... we had tried to talk to her because we wanted to make her see that she was being silly and not only hurting herself, but hurting us too. anyway, it ended up completely stupid and she turned it into a "them against me" thing and the counsellor went and took her side (the imaginary made up by her one), telling her that she was right and pretty effectively re enforcing all the bullshit. anyways.. so we all went along and tried to make them both see that it wasn't an us vs. her thing and that we were not the ones that were pushing her down and that we were being supportive and that we did want to do everything to help that we could and that we would if we knew how... but somehow it all just got worse and she ended up leaving us for a group that "understood" her better. ie. a group who would let her keep up her self pitying, attention seeking bullshit and who would tell her what she wanted to hear rather than the truth and would go and get high with her (while she was on anti-depressants)... all the while still going to this counsellor... who had by then started to make her feel even shittier about her relationship with her abusive mother - like it was all her fault her mother abused her. so now she's with the same people and she thinks she's on top of it and she's quite obviously not.

anyways... my point was that counsellors aren't always good anyway... or maybe it was just that particular one... i don't know...

shallow days

Mary Jane says it's all right
She's just around the corner from the main light.
Any day now, it's all right
She's standing on the precipice of big time.
And I know I'm a little uptight,
I've got to go before the sun shines.
We're just a couple small people squeezing out a life,
We need a little good time.
It's not far from the edge,
Mary comes and goes.
Drifting through the scenery of the shallow days below,
That is anybody knows.
You follow trains out of town and they vanish somewhere under the horizon.
Yeah well I saw Mary Jane dragged her shadow down the tracks, Stare off in the distance.
It's not far from here,
Mary waves hello.
Smiling though she's sinking in the shallow days below,
I can't find a way out of here.
Out on the road again,
I'm much, much too concerned about Mary Jane.
I'm all alone again,
I like what she said, not what it means.
She leaves me drowning through the shallow days, down below.
You know I heard a band playing waltzes in a grange hall
The sun is sinking lower.
People staring, Mary Jane humming softly to herself,
Nobody really knows her.
Any day now it's all right,
She tells herself that this will be the last time.
Mary Jane pulls her hair back and wonders what she'll do with all her free time.
Not too far from here,
Mary turns to go.
Smiling while the waltz begins, dancing down the road
Hey hey Mr. Freedom,
What are we supposed to think?
'Cause I'm a very tiny person and it worries me.
I'm all alone again,
I like what she says, not what it means.
She leaves me drowning in the shallow days way down below.
"I'm sorry", she said,
"I know it's not the kind of thing you want."
I'm falling, falling down.
"I'm sorry", she said.
"I know I'm not the kind of girl you want."
We're falling, falling, falling, falling down. TEXT

[WithoutWords]

sleep is worth the wait...

says i going into my....third day without sleep

yay

im just...not right at the moment

i tend to cope ok with the being sick shit blahblahblha you dont want to hear it again

it's getting worse...and..by definition it gets worse..but it's suppose to get worse heaps later or something, i dont know

and then there's storm, who, of course, is still completly in love with jen, and grrh i dunno, she's...this most wonderful creature ever, and yet...she makes me so so despratley unhappy. she went out with jen for...2 and a half years and then jen dumped it in a heap and has basically been palying games with her for the last three months which is awful to watch the effect it has in strom because, id like to think im a very empathetic person, which will most likely ultimately lead to my demise, but she's just screwing around with her and it's hard to watch because i care about her so much

and then school

is fucked

dont you tell me it isnt the be all and end all, it is, it really is

how do i get into uni if i dont do well the next two years?

i cant pass highschool...how the fuck will i sit exams?

ooo but your hidden talents!

what hidden talents? i cant wriyte. sing, draw. paint, use to dance cant do that anymore, lets face it, i've got nothing and it's so fucking depressing that the best i can hope for is some shitty job at k-mart

so, please. this was just a vent or whatever ypu want to call it, i really plead with you not to watse your time trying to convince me otherwise

thanks
-amy

[singingcirclesaway]

Amy, you're sexy. ;D And you can live with me. We can bitch together and I'll make you tea and soup and tuck you into bed. Mwah.

[am]

without said:

and then school

is fucked

dont you tell me it isnt the be all and end all, it is, it really is

how do i get into uni if i dont do well the next two years?

i cant pass highschool...how the fuck will i sit exams?

ooo but your hidden talents!

what hidden talents? i cant wriyte. sing, draw. paint, use to dance cant do that anymore, lets face it, i've got nothing and it's so fucking depressing that the best i can hope for is some shitty job at k-mart

so, please. this was just a vent or whatever ypu want to call it, i really plead with you not to watse your time trying to convince me otherwise

thanks
-amy

venting is good... ^ that is exactly how i feel (my name's amy as well by the way) i'm in grade twelve and am failing....
i've just quit trying to learn guitar - i was crap at it - it was meant to be a release, but it only added to stress and frustration. i can't draw. i can't write. i can't dance. i can sing, but only along with my cds... or to the radio... and other people's songs just don't fill holes sometimes... (thank god for those hidden talents.. what would i do without them )

[Ollie]

I think life is hard for me alot of the time because i let it get that way and dont know how to change it all the time.
If i just sit around at home smokin weed and shit i feel great at the time but feel like shit the days that i dont do it.
I find its about escape...escaping from myself.
But ultimatly its the worst thing you cant do...to allow yourself to continue crap that you know is bad....not just drugs but any compulsive behaviour that you can avoid. (not all can be avoided)

The whole relationship thing....relationships can be the best thing you will ever have....and you do just have to give yourself time.
I went out with people constantly between the ages of 15 to 19...but gave it a break for a year...until now im 20 and i realise how special they can be and want to find a girl whos right for me.
Dont force yourself to try to want a relationship...if you dont then just try not to think about it and give it time.
I found the late teen years to be very confusing...you dont know what you want all the time....hardly any of the time in fact...just give yourself time

[eskimo]

am (amy)- if you perservere at guitar, it will be a release.. although it may be stressful now, once you get the hang of it, the instrument will do wonders. truuust me..


im with the 'false image' thing too. sometimes i analyse conversations afterwards and think 'shit, thats not me, but thats who i am to everyone else. who am i kidding?' but im too scared to be 'myself' because im too paranoid that no one will like me for who i am. then my mind just starts spinning, stupid thoughts.. grr :/

[WithoutWords]

oo i know what i want she just doesnt

and, come january she's going to europe indefinatly..yay

and school being the way it is my brain went, hey, go rob a bank and go too

mm why not i say? paris is lovely that time of year

anyway, collette, in a heart beat i'd move..actually this weekend mum pretty much said she wanted me to leave...lets hear it for parental support

mm yes and everything is so hard on her, me being sick, so so hard for her i couldnt imagine!

anyway, enough about me, tea parties, yes, havent had one of those for years, although i am having a dinner party soon

anywho, toodle-oo

[fatalistic]

today i feel irrelevant. over the last weeks I have often felt invisible. today i'm at breaking point. but y do i give a fuck. y should i give a fuck. i remember my other home. there was love there. lots of it. and the conversations. no-one was overlooked. it's all different now. i wish i could go back. *sigh*