Tell me your problems...

[mesaplatonic]

right now i feel nothing.nothing at all.
for days i have been house sitting for my friend.coming on here throwing stuff at people and having them throw it back.its how ive been living for the past couple of days.but now i feel nothing.fuking nothing.its not lack of inspiration or any crud like that.im worried about my friend.his cancer might be back.i was talking to him on the phone and it sounded like he was shaking and then he said he was 'hurting real bad'.turns out he was jogging to work and stubbed his toe .when i was out some queer tried to force hmself on me and when i told him to fucvk off he tried to get(hire) guys to beat the shit out of me.and ive been ripping these walls to shreads.i cant write i cant run.ive been locking everything i cant see.but i cant stand myself anymore.i feel like evrything in me has flatlined.what am i supposed to do.im not bored.i feel nothing.fucking nothing.what the fuck is going on.i dont know if this is the right thing to do.i dont know if i should let evryone know my stuff or even is its fair on evryone else to know but i just need something to happen.i cant fukin stand it.ive run out of people to talk to.nothing i touch feels the same.im trapped in the lull of a white wash
fuck

[mesaplatonic]

looks like ive said it all

[timbaxterml]

If you're getting to this point of desperation, I'd strongly suggest seeing a GP and having a chat. I'd offer advice, but I really don't know what to say except that you can get out of it. =)

[Anon]

I'm scared. It hurts to even sit down and type this because he hurt me inside. I can't even breathe properly and when I do it hurts a lot. I don't what to do. I can't talk to anyone about this. Not even a doctor. I'd rather die.

My life is screwed. I have an eating disorder. Suicidial tendencies. And every single relationship I've had with a man has hurt me in some way. Usually major hurt.

Worst of all, I've been told my whole life that I don't deserve help.

Well, maybe I don't and maybe I'm a bad person, but I'm begging and praying for something. Anything. A sign. An email. Something to signal that my life is worth living. So far, there's been nothing. My friends have no idea. They have no time for me anyway.

Maybe dying is my destiny.

[anonymous]

maybe getting through this and believing that you deserve help and kindness is the first trial to a better life

just know that life is as important as you make it
so forget about them
no one can put value on your life or tell you that you dont deserve help when you need it

so dont die
its not worth it

i know i cant ever really understand how you feel
just like you cant feel for me
but i wish i could take some pain away from you
just because i can
so ill hang in there if you will

[Anon]

Hang in there? It's not as easy as it sounds when you're broken inside.

I'll try for now.
I'm scared.

[Anon]

I..I..I never thought he'd come back for me, but he did.
It happened again. Twice. I can hardly breathe.

[timbaxterml]

Guest-Anon said:

I..I..I never thought he'd come back for me, but he did.
It happened again. Twice. I can hardly breathe.

If you are in trouble you need to find some sort of help in real life. There's not a lot that can be done via an online forum.

If you are in Australia, I suggest calling lifeline on 13 11 14. Whatever the problem is, they should be able to find proper help for you.

[IncreaseDeleteEscapeDefeat]

um hi. i really really want advice right now...so hi....even if i don't know you advice would be good.
here's the short version - i finally admitted yesterday that i'm bi. the fourth person i told was my boyfriend. he reacted in a way that made me fall apart completely.

now here's the long version:
So I'm in denial for months about my ex-girlfriend. i'm pretending it didn't happen because when the fact that we were together meant that i lost almost all of my friends, my parent's respect and trust, i lost a lot. I decide to pretend it away and stay in denial for months on end. so when the new boyfriend asks me - did anything happen with you and kate - i lie straight faced - if i'm not gonna admit it to myself, i'm not gonna admit it to him.

then recently, i get sick of lying. i decide - screw this - and so spend a few days with it just weighing down my conscience because i know it's something my parents will hate, my friends will think is isck, with a few noted exceptions. it means i'm distracted and irritable and the boyfriend gets a bit hurt and annoyed. so finally, i tell a few people. at first, it's great, the three friends i tell are really supportive and i begin to feel relief. and they reassure me - the boyfriend will understand. after all, one of his best friends bi and even has a crush on him. so you'd think he'd have experience with friends going through this.

so i tell him that the reason i've been short recently is because my friends have been giving me shit about being gay (but they still don't know for certain) and acting like it's SOOOO wrong. and i'm bi.

and i get ranted and raved at. everything i didn't want him to say, he said. he said i'd lied to him, that i only kissed him because i was thinking of my ex girlfriend as i did so, that everything in our relationship was built on a LIE, because i've been trying my hardest to pretend it away because i didn't want it to affect this.

well that's my perspective. he says that i lied and broke his trust. and that he's very hurt because of it.

And i'm confused. because one voice - well two actually, kat's and mine - are in my head screaming 'DUMP THE ARROGANT SELF CENTERED PRICK' because he didn't give a fuck about how hard it was for me to admit to him, how shameful i felt, how much i needed support because most people around me would call me sick and disgusting and not be near me. i'm effectively forfeiting friends when i admit this. and that's hard to do. and HE DOESN'T GIVE A FUCK.
but at the same time, i'm thinking - he's hurting. he was hurt and did the wounded animal thing and lashing out because i hurt him.
but, on the other hand, if i lash out at him, he calls me on it and tells me not to do that because it's bad for the relationship.
but he is very hurt. i did the wrong thing.
but that does NOT excuse him saying that i only kiss him thinking of kate. nothing excuses that. if he'd been near me i think i would've punched him in the nose. or hurled the nearest breakable thing at his face. i wanted to hurt him so badly when he said that.

so....what do you think i should do? should i let it go ebcause he's hurt?
or should i dumphim because he was insenstive and selfish and totally cruel about something that was hard for me to even admit to?

[AnnnAa]

i really dont know much about your problem, but from reading your post...you figured out that youre bi. i get that one. but do you wanna be with your boy or with that kate chick? have you actually made up your mind about that one? cause if you figured youre bisexual but go for guys at the moment and youre totally in love with your boy, why do you care about telling everyone? i mean, yes, it is a fair bit of a confession to yourself that youre bi, and sure youd wanna talk to someone, but the most important would be that you love your boy and tell especially him your feelings. but if you figured youre gay and wanna be with that chick then you should tell your boyfriend this.
so i havent quite figured which one you wanna go with, cause if youd make up your mind and go with only one option you should get rid of at last one problem.
and hell yes, if my boy told me he was gay, of course would i be upset because it would be something new, something really new, and people tend to go with habits. hehehe but naw, id be afraid that he "explored" something new and hence would wanna dive into the joy of testing so i think theres a reason to be upset.

but as you know...theres a folder thats entitled options, and within that folder that is called options...

[streetlights]

Hi.

I've been really worried lately, I've been irritable and uneasy.
I've been going out with my boyfriend for 7 months now. For the most part its been really good, but a I'm thinking about breaking up with him. The thing is I don't know how he'll react.

I'm thinking about breaking up with him because he's bringing me down and though I love him I'm not in love with him anymore. In which case was it love to begin with?
He is always depressed, and I've been trying to help him and be supportive but I can't take it anymore. I still want to help him, I just don't want to have that girlfriend type of responsibility aswell.

A few things that have happened that have made me really not like the situation have really stuck in my mind. A few months back we were talking and he all of a sudden kind of shut down and became really depressed in an instant. He asked me if i'd cut him.
He has a short temper and has admitted that he doesn't like me talking to any of my male friends that aren't close friends of his because it 'makes him jealous'. He also seems to have to know where I am and what I'm doing all the time.
The most recent thing that has happened was a week ago. We were joking around on the phone and I said saracstically 'eww' to the fact that he hadn't showered all day and had been working on a farm, sweating all day. He replied 'FUCK YOU!' so I said goodbye so that he could calm down. He called my back a few minutes after to say sorry, I apologised aswell and I thought all was ok.
On Tuesday I went over to his place and I noticed a large cut about so big-
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with lots of dried up blood all over it. I was concerned because I know he cuts and I asked him about it he said it was a reminder not to ever get angry with me or upset me. He also had my favourite number cut into his stomach.

[Tiberius]

Everyone from any walk of life can get depressed so I don't think that's something you should hold against him or see as a flaw in his character. If he wants to change then it's possible for him to get treatment and try to work out the causes of his depression and find a way out, but that's something he needs to work out for himself. You can encourage him to get better and to seek treatment, but ultimately he has to make the decision himself to want to get better and to do something about it.

However, I'm not saying you should stick with him out of pity just because of that. The relationship doesn't seem too equal and his jealously and immaturity in how he replied to you on the phone can't be much fun for you. So you're going to have to find some way to gently and gracefully end it.

Um, I guess just be a friend to him for now and try to encourage him to see a doctor about his problems. Maybe you can get him to focus on that and you'll be able to end it smoothly.

I'm no expert in these matters, but er, that's my 2 cents of advice. Good luck.

[timbaxterml]

I'm going to agree with Mark. I'm not sure if I've ever said that before. I do know it feels kind of strange tapping out those words.

If things aren't working out, then you really should end it. Staying with him simply because he's depressed/whatever is going to bad for both of you. Really. I've been there in both roles multiple times.

Also, you really shouldn't stay with him out of fear that he will hurt himself. You are not responsible for his happiness. It sounds cold, but if he cuts himself then that is the choice that he has made. It may not be pretty, but it's the way it goes. All you can do for anyone is gently encourage them to help themselves from within a safe environment.

Again, it feels strange to say (as a former self-injurer myself), but you really do need to be careful that you don't get caught up in a game of emotional blackmail. A lot of people self-injure because they have trouble expressing themselves in other, more socially acceptable, ways. This often makes people resort to less 'mature' (I really wish I could find a better word to replace that) methods of getting what they want. Unfortunately, headgames can be a big part of that. Just be careful.

The really important thing is, if you make a decision (to stay or to go), stick to it. It's another thing that'll be better for both of you in the long run.

In pretty sure that this would have occured to you anyway, but just be a little bit careful about laying blame on why the relationship ended. Placing the blame on any one person (or act, or thing) wouldn't be true anyway. Just steer of the topic entirely.

And yes, pay attention to what Mark said. IMHO he's pretty much spot on.

[streetlights]

Thanks for the advice. I was going to go over there today and tell him that I wanted a break from us but I got an sms from him before I got the chance saying that he got kicked out of home. So I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to do now.

[tilted]

oh man... sounds like you guys are going through a nightmare

hmmm i think in his state and at this point you probably shouldn't offer for him to stay with you - he's too volatile. Maybe point him towards seeing a health professional or even going to a halfway house where social workers check in all the time.

I had a suicidal friend who ran away from home (her brother had died, her parents were really screwed) and stayed in a number of halfway houses, which weren't great - she eventually got kicked out for continuing to cut herself.. but in the end it got so bad i took her to hospital. She was in there for months and it was a horrible experience for her, but she seriously needed help and she would've killed herself had she continued on the outside.

Anyway she's 90% back together now, living at home has a job, did a nursing degree at tafe and looks back on her experience as necessary but painful. And she even wants to become a nurse in a psych ward !

i know i can't really say much to console you now but just hang in there, and just make sure as he's sinking lower he doesn't pull you down too, that's the dangerous thing. You have to look after yourself as number 1 priority.