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Post by Muzzy Pepped on Jul 10, 2002 0:08:03 GMT 10
A blonde was swerving all over the road and driving very badly, so she got pulled over by a cop.
The cop walked up to her window and asked, "Miss, why are you driving so recklessly?"
The blonde said, "I'm sorry sir, but wherever I go, there's always a tree in front of me and I can't seem to get away from it!"
The cop looked at her and said, "Lady, that's your air freshener!"
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Post by Muzzy Pepped on Jul 10, 2002 0:09:38 GMT 10
Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde. The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim"
Suddenly the brunette yells, "EARTHQUAKE!!!"
Everyone is startled and throws themselves on the ground while she escapes.
The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She say no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim"
Suddenly the redhead yells, "TORNADO!!!"
Everyone is startled and looks around for cover while she escapes.
By now the blonde has it all figured out. The guard brings her forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim"
And the blonde yells, "FIRE!!!"
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Post by Muzzy Pepped on Jul 10, 2002 0:11:08 GMT 10
What's the difference between a blonde and the internet?
Not everyone's been on the internet!
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Post by Muzzy Pepped on Jul 10, 2002 0:11:36 GMT 10
What is a blonde's idea of safe sex?
Locking the car door.
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Post by Muzzy Pepped on Jul 10, 2002 0:12:51 GMT 10
Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said "From 2-4 years."
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Post by Muzzy Pepped on Jul 10, 2002 0:13:36 GMT 10
Two tourists were traveling through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee, ''Before we order could you settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly.'' The blonde leaned over and said ''Burrrrrrr Gurrrrrr Kingggg.''
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Post by Muzzy Pepped on Jul 10, 2002 0:14:03 GMT 10
How do you know a blonde's having a bad day?
Her tampon's behind her ear and she can't find her pencil.
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Post by Muzzy Pepped on Jul 10, 2002 0:15:22 GMT 10
What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
Gifted
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Post by Muzzy Pepped on Jul 10, 2002 0:15:45 GMT 10
What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run, 'cause she's got a grenade in her mouth!
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Post by Sonic Death Monkey on Jul 14, 2002 12:58:50 GMT 10
One day a blind man was walking down the street and he decided he needed a beer and so he went to the nearest bar, which happened to be a lesbian bar. Once inside and after having a drink he asked the bartender, "hey do you guys like Blonde jokes?" The bartender replied "I'm not sure if thats such a good idea, you see i'm blonde, the women either side of you are blonde, as is the person behind you who could probably bench press someone your size. So are you sure that you want tell a blonde joke in a place like this?" The blind guy said, "nah your probably right i shouldn't cos i don't really want to have to explain it four times."
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Post by Muzzy Pepped on Jul 20, 2002 23:43:39 GMT 10
Couldn't resist posting some more ;D I have read so many more good ones...............................
Q: How can you tell a blonde's been in your fridge?
A: There is lipstick on the cucumber.
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Post by Muzzy Pepped on Jul 20, 2002 23:46:25 GMT 10
A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and it immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip.
She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.
She starts to lose consciousness, but to her great fortune, Bobby, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.
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Post by larry emdur is my hero! on Jul 22, 2002 13:59:07 GMT 10
A young little blond girl comes back from school one
evening. She runs to her mum and says:
"Mummy today at school we learnt how to count. Well,
all the other girls only counted to 5, but listen to me: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10! It's good, innit?"
"Yes darling, very good."
"Is that because I'm blond?"
"Yes darling, it's because you're blond."
Next day, the little girl comes back from school and
says:
"Mummy, today at school we learnt the alphabet. All the other girls only went as far as D, but listen to me: A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K ! It's good innit?"
"Yes darling, very good."
"Is that because I'm blond, mummy?"
"Yes darling it's because you're blond."
Next Day, she returns from school and cries: "Mummy,
today we went swimming. Well, all the other girls have no breasts, but
look at me!" She proceeds to flash her impressive 36 D's at her mummy. "Is that because I'm blond, mummy?"
"No darling, it's because you're 25."
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Post by Muzzy Pepped on Jul 23, 2002 14:35:53 GMT 10
;D  ;D ;D |
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Post by WithoutWords on Jul 27, 2002 2:22:59 GMT 10
yes, bananas indeed, jolly good
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;D