natty
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Post by natty on Apr 22, 2003 11:11:34 GMT 10
I tend to feel (from personal experience) that it's actually hard to be friends with someone you love. Or, on the flip side, if someone loves you and you just want to remain friends. One of my best friends is loved deeply by a male, and they find it difficult to remain friends. Me personally - i've been loved deeply by a friend but could not return the love and thus could not maintain the friendship.
I think if you can do it, great, but it is a lot harder than you ay seem.
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Post by singingcirclesaway on Apr 22, 2003 18:09:32 GMT 10
I had the same when I used to joke about 'stalker boy'. I still feel really badly, because he used to ring me up crying saying he loved me, and what can you do when you don't feel the same? It made it really awkward. I know he still feels for me to some degree, and even though we are friends, we'll never be like we were because I just don't know how to act around him sometimes. That said, he still wants to be my friend, and as much as it would be easier to not see him at all for a while, he still wants me there and I want to be there for him. Turning my back on him would ujust be callous.
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Post by back2u on Apr 23, 2003 11:07:47 GMT 10
Mel and Kristy,
I think in both your cases you might be better off just taking some down time for yourself. Get to know yourself a little better and analyse your actions and patterns in relationships and askyourselves why this keeps happening to you. Is it you or is it them?
Kristy I think it could be quite self destructive having this guy who likes guys in your life. Think about it. You need to at least bar him off for a month until you can emotionally come to terms with the fact that he's gay and you can't have him, hanging out with him all the time will set up some bad patterns for your future relationships because you could end up using him as the benchmark for future guys.
Mel don't blame yourself for their sexuality it's not you that turns them, they were born that way. They should be grateful to you that you helped them to be true to themselves instead of being closet cases. But I think you need to ask yourself why you attract these guys to you, maybe your subconscious is telling you you need to slow down and that's why you keep ending up with these guys that are in essence unattainable.
In closing I'd like to say to both of you there are other things out there for you and sometimes a relationship can be a hinderence, and freedom a blessing. Use this time to get focused and get all your shit together, usually it's when you are distracted by something else a good thing can come along.
Good luck Girls
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Kristy
captain
So i ran faster.. but it caught me...
Posts: 992
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Post by Kristy on Apr 23, 2003 11:51:59 GMT 10
Kristy I think it could be quite self destructive having this guy who likes guys in your life. Think about it. You need to at least bar him off for a month until you can emotionally come to terms with the fact that he's gay and you can't have him, hanging out with him all the time will set up some bad patterns for your future relationships because you could end up using him as the benchmark for future guys. First thank you for what you said. I think that your right about him setting a benchmark for future guys, but i think he will wether he is in my life or not, because he has been in my life. I have been in this situation before, but the guy wasn't gay he was my friend and i hung around for two years until he did something that resulted in us not being friends anymore. But before that i kept trying to remove myself from it but i couldn't, i guess i'm good at this self destructive thing. At the moment i'm not seeing him very often but i don't want to cut him out complety. |
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Post by singingcirclesaway on Apr 23, 2003 14:09:01 GMT 10
Mel don't blame yourself for their sexuality it's not you that turns them, they were born that way. They should be grateful to you that you helped them to be true to themselves instead of being closet cases. But I think you need to ask yourself why you attract these guys to you, maybe your subconscious is telling you you need to slow down and that's why you keep ending up with these guys that are in essence unattainable. It's still kind of tricky to think it wasn't me though. Guy s? I've dated other gay guys? Fuck. |
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Kristy
captain
So i ran faster.. but it caught me...
Posts: 992
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Post by Kristy on Apr 23, 2003 14:19:36 GMT 10
Mel, i seriously can't comprehend how someone could actually 'turn' someone, really it can't possibly have been you.
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Post by back2u on Apr 23, 2003 14:35:13 GMT 10
Mel,
in all seriousness have you ever considered the possibiltiy that you were just too much of a woman for them and all their previous GF's were boyish so they never came to confront their homosexuality.
Maybe it would help if you actuallly called them and asked them when they started to think they were gay, I think you'll find it happened long before you came on the scene. Most of my gay friends started to notice stuff around age 13, but clarity only kicks in around age 18 or so because of the social environment and distraction of school.
They are fucking arseholes for doing this to you but don't dwell on it get some closure and piss them the hell off out of your life. Excess bullshit is something we can all do without.
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Post by singingcirclesaway on Apr 23, 2003 14:35:24 GMT 10
I did break his heart though. I mean, it was our 1 year anniversary and he gave me a necklace (he was really low on cash, saved forever for it) and I dumped him over the phone about an hour later. Luckily he didn't know I was mucking around with a close friend of ours. Sure, we were 15, but I still feel fucking baddd about it. I know it wasn't me who 'turned' him, you can't (I'm pretty sure?) but I can't help but feel partly responsible at least.
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Post by back2u on Apr 23, 2003 14:38:54 GMT 10
Give him back the necklace then, he might like to wear it about now. J/k
Seriously: Get rid of that thing you'll feel better as though you don't owe him anything
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Post by singingcirclesaway on Apr 23, 2003 14:44:19 GMT 10
I insisted he take it back, but he made me keep it. I used to wear it all the time, since we remained really close afterwards, even best friends. We're still close now, but he's moved to Newcastle so it's tricky to stay in touch. I'm going to keep it forever, I'm sentimental when it comes to things like that.
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Post by WithoutWords on Apr 24, 2003 0:33:26 GMT 10
annnnnnnnd then there was sam...
lovely boy.....quite smart, relatively funny, avid nirnana fan, etc etc etc
see.........unlike your person melly, he didnt have the consideration to break up then say he was gay
no no no, hey amyl ets go have coffee, suuuure let's go have coffee, so amy here's the thing im gay, oooooooo thats nice isnt it.....
annnnnnyway
then lovely james, although we werent involved as such,
this boy said he was "confused" and what not....didnt know whether he was coming or going........wellllll aftera very long night spent awake late talking and talking and talking to me.....he found it soo much easier to, and i qoute "come to terms with his sexuality" mmmm hmm, im a miracle worked
and there was a jim as well
mmmhmmm, i have a real talent for it
so kirsty, never fear! there is always someone more pathetic than you
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Post by back2u on Apr 24, 2003 1:51:25 GMT 10
Amy, a girl I wnet to university with when we had to talk about ourselves in as little words aspossible said Hi I'm ******** *****(name withheld by request) I like Dirty Dancing the movie and I turn men gay!
She'd clocked up five or so apparently and had started wearing it as a badge of honour. Like she was a PFLAG General or something Hahahaha.
So yeah you're right there is always someone worse off, but then some people don't give a shit either.
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Post by WithoutWords on Apr 28, 2003 0:35:20 GMT 10
so if i get over 5 by uni im in the lead.....
done and done
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Post by allthatshimmers on Apr 28, 2003 23:54:15 GMT 10
this is in no way meant to be a joke - some meaningless sex with a strange might just make you feel better. Justin, it doesn't help. You just get left with guilt, shame, on top of all the emotions you had before. Well, in my humble opinion anyways, but then i don't believe that there is such thing as meaningless sex.  |
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Post by singingcirclesaway on Apr 29, 2003 18:43:58 GMT 10
Justin, it doesn't help. You just get left with guilt, shame, on top of all the emotions you had before. Well, in my humble opinion anyways, but then i don't believe that there is such thing as meaningless sex. Hooray, someone that finally makes sense. I think some people can have sex and not be emotionally attached, but it still has to mean something. Or doesn't it? Maybe I'm just one of a few humans in the world that sees sex as more than just that, but I'd hope not - I'd hope there were more than just a few. |
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