cheer up emo kid
captain
you can't relate to people so you fill your life with stuff
Posts: 851
|
Post by cheer up emo kid on Apr 5, 2004 14:42:44 GMT 10
i wouldnt agree that im highly intelligent =P but i do care about you, and i think you're worth a hell of a lot more than you think you are. you're a good person, you deserve to feel more than what you feel now. dont give up yet.
|
|
Confused
beautiful shark
EVERY ANGEL HAS A HALO...every halo has an angel
Posts: 205
|
Post by Confused on Apr 5, 2004 15:47:41 GMT 10
You aren't alone, Ali. Many people have been raped and had other such things done to them, you may even know some of them. People, all people, have this inner talent of being able to hide things, secrets, that they feel ashamed of, including being raped. I think you're being a little bit extreme with saying that you want to die and you wish you were dead and such... sure, I can understand that it's hard to deal with the pain of knowing that you've been violated, and in your case by four separate men, but don't ever wish death upon yourself... that's the end of the road, there's no turning back from there. As I think I said already, death will come to you one day, just keep living till it gets here.
And I personally don't think I'm being unreasonable by saying that you're being extreme because I know how it feels.
One question: How long ago did this happen?
|
|
|
|
Post by AussieRobot on Apr 6, 2004 5:23:48 GMT 10
Reading this topic has been rather confronting for me. While my experiences are different from those of other people posting here there are some similarities to what I've been through in the past and what's been said here. For starters I have cut myself in the past. I can still remember the first time I cut myself. I was 14 at the time and things had been tough. My parents were on the verge of breaking up and my 18 year old brother had a drinking problem. That night my brother had drunk a lot of bourbon. My dad wanted him to stop but he refused to. Things got nasty - lots of yelling and shouting then the sounds of punches being thrown, glass breaking and people in pain. My mum ended up taking my brother and my dad to the hospital telling me to stay away. After they had left my 10 year old sister came into my room with tears in her eyes saying how scared she was. I told her everything was going to be fine but knew I was lying. Later that night in the dark I listened to my copy of "The Downward Spiral" by Nine Inch Nails(one of the best albums ever - get it). The last song on it described how I was feeling perfectly. It's called "Hurt" and begins with: "I hurt myself today, to see if I still feel. I focus on the pain - the only thing that's real. Try to kill it all away, but I remember everything..." Using a knife I'd inherited from my grandfather I cut myself half a dozen times on my chest. The next day I then got up, went to school and pretended that nothing had happened. I also remember the last time I cut myself. It was 5 years later and things had been real tough. In this case 5 children had died, the youngest was 2 and a half years old while it was the oldest one's 8th birthday. I'd seen them less than a week before it had happened. If I'd known what was coming I could have stopped it and they'd still be here today, but I didn't. It was all over the news about the tragedy and visions from this media coverage resulted in me waking up several times during the night soaked in sweat having nightmares about it all. Being haunted by these ghosts was too much and one night after waking up from another nightmare I cut myself. Things have changed now though. I don't cut myself but I do sometimes get the urge to do it again. The first reason why I don't do it anymore is because I've stopped feeling guilt over things I have no control over. In the first instance I did nothing wrong. In the second I didn't know. Nobody knew what was coming. I couldn't have known and I can't blame myself for that like how in instances of rape the victim is not responsible and should feel no shame over it. The other reason why I don't cut myself anymore is the late Johnny Cash. He did a cover of the Nine Inch Nails song "Hurt" (I would so love to see Paul Dempsey do a solo accoustic cover of it) which you can find at: www.markromanek.com/video/14.html This is one of the best film clips ever(it won the best video clip grammy earlier this year) which I find so poignant yet full of hope. The last lines of the song are: "If I could start again, a million miles away, I would keep myself - I would find a way." It's too late for Johnny Cash. He's dead now but if you're reading this then it's not too late. No matter what you've been through, as long as you are alive you can start again. You don't even have to move a million or even a thousand miles away(though it may help). Have a goal, have a dream, have a future, have something to aim for. I'm not sure if that helps you at all, but at the very least you can get a laugh out of the idea that somebody has their Something For Kate cd's sitting next to their Nine Inch Nails and Johnny Cash cd's. Best of luck. Cheers. |
|
HeadingEast
captain
You've gotta fight for your right to SFK
Posts: 1,009
|
Post by HeadingEast on Apr 7, 2004 2:52:50 GMT 10
ali, you are a beautiful person, you dont deserve it, you dont deserve any of it, none of it was your fault
|
|
|
|
Post by sparklle on Apr 7, 2004 20:32:29 GMT 10
ali, you are a beautiful person, you dont deserve it, you dont deserve any of it, none of it was your fault I'm not beautiful! You've seen me. (@ the Globe) I'm a fat emo bitch. And I whore apparantly, or why else would they fuck me... I'm sorry. |
|
Confused
beautiful shark
EVERY ANGEL HAS A HALO...every halo has an angel
Posts: 205
|
Post by Confused on Apr 7, 2004 22:08:35 GMT 10
well I can remember it happening for as long as I remember, so I guess it started when I was really young... then in continued on and on... I take it it wasn't rape then? Rather sexual abuse, of some sort...? |
|
HeadingEast
captain
You've gotta fight for your right to SFK
Posts: 1,009
|
Post by HeadingEast on Apr 8, 2004 3:19:43 GMT 10
I'm not beautiful! You've seen me. (@ the Globe) I'm a fat emo bitch. And I whore apparantly, or why else would they fuck me... I'm sorry. thats not true ali, you are a great person |
|
|
|
Post by fathershark on Apr 8, 2004 7:34:22 GMT 10
it was abuse from a little as I can remember, then when I was old enough, rape. Have you reported the arsehole that perpetrated these horrible crimes against you to the Police? My guess is that this would be a rung on the ladder of any healing you'll be able to accomplish. |
|
|
|
Post by amelia on Apr 8, 2004 17:41:21 GMT 10
i agree. i would call a helpline or something and find out what to do from here to get out of your situation.
|
|
|
|
Post by sparklle on Apr 8, 2004 18:05:10 GMT 10
thats not true ali, you are a great person Thanks Terry, for saying that. *hugs* |
|
|
|
Post by amelia on Apr 8, 2004 18:18:16 GMT 10
well... i'm sorry you don't like my suggestion. it was only a suggestion. maybe you don't think you need to get out of the situation you're in? if you'd prefer to deal with it by cutting instead. it's your choice. unfortunately no one can make it for you.
|
|
|
|
Post by loux2 on Apr 8, 2004 22:22:22 GMT 10
i hope that wasn't sarcastic.
If it was then it's not a fair remark.
|
|
|
|
Post by loux2 on Apr 9, 2004 12:22:53 GMT 10
i wasn't sure, you can never get tone of voice from computer postings, sorry  |
|
|
|
Post by back2u on Apr 9, 2004 14:54:39 GMT 10
The thing with Ali's situation is the problem is heavily rooted within her family structure, it's going to take alot of strength for her to eventually confront her family about all of this properly. So reporting it to the authorities for her at this point, is not a good option, as it will only cause more trauma to Ali in the fragile state she is in at the moment.
But you do need help Ali, please see a doctor to get tht referral, as I said it doesn't need to be your family GP, and you can use the doctor patient confidentiality to keep in control of the steps you take, but it would be a very smart move to move away from your family unit for a while to regroup and step outside the situation in order to get a clear perception of how you want to deal with the situation. This might also solve your travel problems to and from TAFE.
If you want I can put you in touch with my friend that went through the similar thing, that I told you about, and she can probably give you some channels to go through in order not to turn this into a direct confrontation between you and your family.
Hang in there
Love KD
|
|
stray
beautiful shark
Posts: 85
|
Post by stray on Apr 14, 2004 20:18:31 GMT 10
Ali, I don't know you & you don't know me, but after reading this whole thread, I am deeply concerned about you.
If you read this please know that all the concerns shared by all the various people are genuine. I'm worried about you and I'm wondering if you could make another post to let us know how you're going & keep talking. Its important that you feel you have support & you have my support, i know that might seem wierd, but i do care.
I'll introduce myself:
Hi I'm Ruth,
good luck my friend & take care.......
|
|
